Send Me To Heaven With Your Smile
by Kisaragi Yuu
Summary: The first drama fic I made^^ Tell story about Aya got brain cancer when he confessed his love for Ken... shonen-ai, though^^ pretty sad, I almost cried when I made this fic^^;;


Send Me To Heaven With Your Smile Send Me To Heaven With Your Smile Kisaragi Yuu

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiß nor Schwarz, just borrowing them in fun purpose^^ Weiß Kreuz belongs to Koyasu Takehito, Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiß. The fic contains shonen-ai, which means boy love. It doesn't contain explicit adult material and in that case, I should rate it PG. Please feel free to give comments.

Warnings: shonen-ai, angst^^

Description: Ran and Ken finally got together but then again, fate plays.

~*~*~

Dear Ken,

I know that it's going to hurt, but please understand my position. When I confessed to you last night, there's no more joy for me than to hear from you that you actually feel the same. I know that somehow, you have feelings for me, and that really feels good. But I know someday, somewhere, you would find someone better than me, someone who is not a murder like me, someone who can loves you back and didn't go nuts whenever he or she heard the name of 'Takatori'. And that someone is not me for sure.

I don't want you to misunderstand me, Ken. You know how I feel about you. If I have no certain feelings for you, how could I confess last night? I love you Ken, I love you with the most of my heart. You helped me get to know the beautiful world, that life is not only revenging and killing, that there's a lot to do in this world and my life is just once, so I must do whatever I want to do before it's too late. You thought me all that. And I love it. You know I do.

But I met the realization that we would never be together. Eventhough my love for you is bigger than any other love that a person could have, we couldn't possibly be together. It's not because of our gender is the same, and to tell you the truth, I didn't mind at all, which I hope you also didn't think about it. It's just that… you are still young. You still got the chance to live your own live, unlike me who only live for Aya's sake. I am not worthy for you. And if you didn't mind it at all, oh by God I praised you for that.

We are once separated by the dignity in me, and now, for the second time, we're separated by another cruel being called 'death'.

Yes, I am going to be dead.

Since months ago, a bad headache has attacked me with no mercy. When I went to the doctor yesterday, just before I met you, the doctor told me that I've been suffering for brain cancer. And it already reached stadium 4 out of 5. He told me to go a surgery and I might be saved. When I saw his looks, deeply in my heart I know that what he meant by 'saved' is just to live another cruel couple of years. I can't be saved anymore. If I am strong, I can live for 2 years max after the surgery, and if I am not that strong, I only can live for another year, which means, going into the surgery or not, it's pointless.

The reason why I wrote this letter and left early in the morning without telling you is that I don't want you to be sad. In the first place, I don't mind of getting killed by this disease, as I killed too many men and didn't worth living anymore. But I am worried, so worried about you. I don't want to see you crying over me just because of the death that's going to reach me soon. Please Ken, please accept the truth and understand. I want you to go on with your life without looking to the back because the past is the past, and I am your past. Don't let the past of you become a stone that intrigued in your life, let it be a strength that make you stronger. I learnt and gone through it a lot, believe me.

Although I am gone, I want you to know that I always remember you. I'll always be with you, our souls belong to each other, and nothing, nothing Ken, can separate it. Not even death. We'll always be together—forever. I wrote you a lyric of song that I sang to you last night. Please don't ever forget me, the fact that you forget me will be the cruelest torture I would ever had.Remember me whenever you sing this song. I already thought you the how to sing it. And again, I will always be with you. You are the sweetest accident I've ever had. Let us meet again in Heaven. See you.

P.S: last night is the happiest day in my life. Thank you so much Ken, you didn't know how much I appreciate that. Please remember Ken, I'm always be with you, I love you.

With the whole love a man could ever give,

Fujimiya Ran 

Ken dropped the letter.

Silence in his lips. The sun is streaming against the cold bed. Ken didn't do anything about it, he didn't yell, he didn't cry, he just sat on the bed. No signs of life… or signs of 'wanting to live' in his eyes, there's only pure silent, blank sight in his eyes.

How could he didn't know?

Last night is so perfect, Aya express his love for Ken. And of course, Ken greatly accepted it. There's nothing happier in this world than the love of the redhead for Ken. But he didn't know. Last night he thought that he's the one who can understand Aya most… that the redhead has no more secret towards him. He's so happy, so joyful that Aya is his now, but this…? What is this…?

Can't believe or accept the truth, Ken still sat on the bed. His legs were crying for a run, he wanted to run all over Japan to find Aya. He wanted to face Aya and kissed him and says that nothing's going to be changed. But he can't. When his legs wanted to run and find Aya, his heart is afraid, VERY afraid for the truth. He didn't want to know the truth. Because what if the truth is…

What if the truth is Aya is going to be dead and he can't do a single thing about it?

Ken shuddered. Is this how Aya felt all the time? Is this why he can't stop blaming himself? And how Ken easily said that 'you are not guilty' to Aya, without experiencing the pain. Words are easy to be said, but acts are hard to accomplish. Ken felt he shivered right down to his very spine. It's pure torture. How Ken wished that he could see Aya and asked for Aya's forgiveness. For the pain and scratches that Ken made in Aya's heart without even noticing it, and worse, thinking that he did the best for Aya, that he understand Aya's feeling despite the truth that he doesn't.

But it was too late. Aya's gone. And Ken didn't know where Aya would be going. What's more painful than this?

Silently, like an angel touched the envelope, a piece of paper fell just next to Ken's bare feet. Ken noticed the paper and picked it up. He could feel himself trembling caused by the fear of knowing, the fear of more truth and more pain. But he has to pick, he just has to. He looked at the paper, it's a purplish velvet coloured paper with neat handwritings on it. He recognized it. It was Aya's handwriting. It was the lyric of song that Aya mentioned in the letter.

Ken remembered last night when Aya was singing for him from the bed. He sang so sadly and Ken loved it. Aya insisted in teaching Ken the melody—only, now Ken remembers it all. When Ken asked why he sang the song with so sad, heart breaking voice, Aya just smiled to him. The smile should have explained everything. Everything. It has thousands of expressions in it and none in them, that Ken could think off, has the meaning of 'death' inside it. Maybe it is, but Ken would refuse to accept it. And now how he regretted not to.

Ken bit his lips. He silently read the lyric with agony.

**Send Me To Heaven With Your Smile **

Especially made for Hidaka Ken by Fujimiya Ran 

** **

This is the real good bye 

My love please do not cry 

Do me a favor, 

Send me to Heaven with your smile 

I don't want tears to fall 

I hate to see you cry 

Please accept Lord's willing 

Do not cry for me 

My beloved friend this is the end 

My faith is to go soon 

Please do not ask me why 

Cause I don't have the answer 

Call me the foolest man 

In all around the world 

Please let me go in reliefness 

Send me to heaven with your smile 

My beloved friend this is the end 

My faith is to go soon 

Please do not ask me why 

Because I don't have the answer 

My sweet, sweet lover please do not cry 

You have to accept Lord's decisions 

We all will soon be dead 

But I don't mind, I don't mind at all if I could be dead 

By heaven in your smile 

So please send me to Heaven, oh by Heaven in your smile… 

Ken couldn't take it more than this. He burst into tears. He wailed and yelled Aya's name, expecting for an answer but received silentness as his reply.

"A…Aya, Aya…boku wa… boku wa kimio a… aishiteru…" he mumbled and mumbled the words of 'I love you' with pain and torture that he could barely stand, his hands still clenched on the paper… as it is his threads of life.

The sound of painful scream was heard from an angel who has lost his wings.

~OWARI~ (for now)


End file.
